Saturday, June 27, 2009

June 27th 2009

Today was the scattering of ashes of my ex-husband. I decided not to go because there was really no reason to go - I felt no need of closure, that came years ago. It has caused a lot of pain for my two daughters and his three daughters from a previous marriage that, because of circumstances, I have never met. It amazing how choices you made forty-seven years ago can come back to haunt you. Amazing how a death can open up a huge can of worms and bring forth new information that is both validating and eye-opening and can make you shake your head at your own youthful naivety and sense of trust of blind trust. Fortunately, I have done enough emotional work that it is not affecting me only minimally but I feel sad for my daughters and his three daughters for what they still have to deal with. It's amazing how much pain and destruction one person create in their life-time.

Myself and two of my neighbours held a yard sale today to make some money for our social club. We did very well and had lots of fun. There were many people on the seawall today and they stopped to peruse our wonderful bargains and chat. A dog-walker with six afghan hounds, who had been walking the seawall with his dogs for many years, came by and we got to pet the dogs and some people took photographs. We had a cut little school desk painted blue and purple and a lady came up and said "I don't believe this." Apparently she had painted the little desk her daughter's favourite colours and when her daughter ourgrew it she sold it in a yard sale. So was so pleased to see it in this little serendipidous moment.

We were having so much fun we stayed out until after
four when a cold gusty wind came up and it was time to go in. It was really great to connect with neighbours, visitors from Ontario who bought some of my photo cards and strangers from who knows where. A very enjoyable day.

The neighbour I have been helping since she went into hospital two weeks ago gave a me a gift cerificate for $100 for flowers from our neighbourhood shop, so I can go in throughout the next few months a get flowers. Each time I will think of her, as she is moving away in August to live with her son. I will miss her.

I haven't done much creatively but have prepared a canvas and chosen a picture to paint so I will be working on that over the next two or three days.

My last art journal - shown above - is of a tattoo I have on my inside left arm just above my wrist. I did the entry to re-affirm my quest for a free spirit. It didn't photograph very well, the colours are actually very pretty. The wreaths are hung on my door and I change them on the solstices and equinoxes as my way of celebrating the change of seasons. My small pagan ritual.


  1. Maybe it wasn't so much your inner critic getting in the way as life? Looking forward to seeing what you do next, even if it is a grand ugly experiment! *grin*

  2. Yes, maybe it was or maybe a combination of the two. What I am learning is that creating art can't be done to order and being creative every day doesn't necessarily mean producing a finished piece every day. That may happen for me some day but now isn't the time.

  3. I agree with Rose (I usually do *grin*)....and you on the creativity-to-order bit...just can't be done, not authentically, anyway.

    Oh, and there's no such thing as a *small* ritual...pagan, or otherwise..:)

    PS. Left you a little somethin'...