I will watch the Rememberance Day ceremony tomorrow and think about the futility of war and all the lives that have been lost in the name of power and greed. It's a very sad day and it's almost always dark and rainy as if the skies are weeping for madness of humanity.

Time flies by, a whole week has passed since I last blogged. I have been busy writing letters and dealing with more spraying. I didn't feel as bad this time but had to have my sliding door open day and night with the heat cranked. A bit chilly but it helped. All these little annoyances seem to take energy.

I will be getting busy, over the next four or five days, writing the newsletter for December.

The rains have come to Vancouver and it's been dark and gloomy for a few days now and very chilly, no more Indian Summer but we were really lucky this year to have it until November.

I haven't done much art or needlework and long to get back to it but I have felt kind of scattered. Hope that will pass soon, Christmas is not so far away.

My great granddaughter was one on Nov. 4th, it's so hard to believe she is so grown up already.

I love Skype, I was just seeing and talking to my granddaughter and great granddaughter. I love this picture of her she looks like she is actually reading the card.

Time to go to bed, goodnight~sleep well!

My friend B gave me a copy of her newly self-published book yesterday. This was a collaborative effort in that she gave me a stack of written notes and bits of paper that were about a crow she called Gilbert and I sorted all the pieces and made them into a story. This was the first time I had done anything like this, so it was an amazing experience.

B befriended Gilbert when she found him in very bad shape on the grass below her apartment where she used to live. Gilbert was a pretty old bird but she nursed him back to life by feeding him peanuts and bread and anything else he would eat. Eventually, he found a wife and he had several batches of children while B was living there. It is a very interesting story about the habits of crows and how humans can interact with them. She was careful not to tame him or his children so they were still wild and able to take care of themselves. There are also some short bits about a squirrel, some blue-jays and some turkeys that she had as pets when she lived in Sri Lanka. It was very sad when B moved and had to leave Gilbert behind. A neighbour continued to give him peanuts, so she felt a little better about leaving him.

I feel honoured to have been a part of bringing this book to life and B wrote in the front that the book would never have been written had it not been for my help. It has certainly been a great year for me creatively.

I went to see a lawyer today to make sure there was nothing in our letter that were grounds for a libel or slander suit - she said there isn't. So the letter goes off tomorrow with 45 signatures. There are only 61 apartments in the building so that is really good. Hope we get some action. It has been a long process but a very good one for me.

I want to get on now and make some Christmas presents, I have bought a couple of pendants to make necklaces for my daughters and I will probably stick some pressed flowers onto candles to give as gifts. I pressed some hydrangeas and pansies during the summer. I would like to get a couple more faerie pouches done as well.

I look forward to creating again after this busy couple of weeks.

Wow, major milestone in my recovery from being broken, I have facilitated two meetings with about thirty people and attended one with seven people and managed to get through them all and not run and hide after and stay in bed for a week. The first meeting went really well, the second was awful, I got bombarded from every side and managed to deal with things but finally closed it because it was a disaster and the third one I took control of from the start instead of sitting back and letting two people run over me. It is so strange for me to just open my mouth and let what I want to say come out. I feel like a bitch, and the strange thing is that I care only a smidgen. I spent hours writing a letter and then two people sat in the second large meeting and totally undermined me in front of the three people that we are trying to deal with. Anyway, the outcome of the second meeting was that I would change some things in the letter - even though so many people were happy with it - but when I got the letter that had the changes that one of the other people at the meeting wrote, I found that he had re-written one major section of the letter. I spent an after noon re-writing it incorporating what he wanted with what I had already written. It has been quite the process and I nearly lost it a couple of times. In some situations I have infinite patience, in others I can be quite impatient and this was one of those situations. Anyway, the letter is finished, has been given approval by the sub-committee and now I am looking for a lawyer to check it out because one of the residents we are trying to deal with has threatened to sue us. I doubt he can because we have proof of everything in the letter.

This is such a drag because, as seniors, all we want is a little peace and quiet. On the other hand, we have to stand up for our rights. It just appalls me that the owners of the building and property managers don't deal with things as they should, therefore leaving us to have to demand - in a most polite way, of course - that they deal with it. Everyone has been very supportive and relieved that the situations are being dealt with, they have also complimented me on how well I handled the meetings - even the bad one - so now it will be interesting to see how many people sign the letter. I have also had to come head to head with the caretaker a few times so it has been pretty stressful. At this point, I still feel strong.

Apart from it being a drag, I have learned a great deal and would never do the same process again - there would not be a second meeting - big mistake!

I am feeling very frustrated because after doing all this and dealing with the side-effects of the pesticide (still am), I don't feel centered enough to do any art. I have been working on my crazy quilting because I find it relaxing, but I would like to be doing some painting as well. I didn't have to do this stuff but there is a part of me that just won't sit back and let these situations continue, I guess it's the social worker in me but also that I am inherently outraged by injustice.

Jazmine is back! My daughter is working such long hours, she felt Jazmine wasn't getting enough attention -she was howling a lot so must have been feeling pretty lonely. I am happy to have her back and we are cuddling lots.

That's about it for now. I hope my next post is more about all the art I have been doing.

DICHOTOMY - a division of two esp. mutually exclusive or contradictory groups.

A friend and neighbour said to me a couple of days ago that I am a dichotomy. On one hand, I create this delicate needlework and other arts and crafts and on the other I get very angry at injustice and take action on it. I gave this some thought and realized that this is what women are - compassionate, kind and gentle and yet very strong and able to withstand enormous pressures and pains. This led me to thinking about Princess Diana who, I think, was an extremely brave and strong woman and yet had a capacity for such love for her children and compassion for the suffering. To stand up to the royal family and leave Prince Charles was an extreme act of courage on her part. Mother Theresa was also a dichotomy of strength and compassion. I mentioned both of these women together because they died within days of each other with a huge out pouring of love and grief for Diana, while Mother Theresa's passing was like a whisper in the background. Quiet and humble as she was in her life.

I believe that their two deaths within days of each other was a message to the world that we need to return to the Mother. We are unbalanced with too much of the Father. There is a loss of compassion, caring and courtesy and we need to find it again. An interviewer asked Maya Angelou what the world needed now, she replied, "courtesy". I so agree, it seems to be lost.

We, as women, have this capacity for deep compassion and caring and enormous strength and courage. I believe that women have lost their way and often try to be like men, when they get into positions of power they act like men. Possibly forced to be that way to get to where they are. Organizations are structured hierarchically and that is not women's innate way. Men are about power and control, women are about co-operation and support. I experienced this way of working for a short time at a women's shelter and it was a wonderful atmosphere to work in. Everyone was supported and encouraged to be who they were and do what they did best.

So we need to "grow down into ourselves", trust our intuition, listen to the whisper of the voice who keeps telling us what we need to do to be healthy and happy. Know thyself.

I am reading a book called A Summer All Her Own by Rosanne Keller. It is about a woman who has been a housewife, mother, her husbands supporter in his career. Her husband dies suddenly of a heart attack. She was very happy in her marriage but, as so many women do when they are left on their own, she realized she doesn't know who she is and she had given up her art because there wasn't time. She goes to Greece (she has lots of money) and spends time there trying to find herself.

She meets a man and he tells the story of a guru: "when the guru sat down to worship each evening, the ashram cat would roam about and distract the worshippers. So the guru ordered that the cat be tied before the evening worship (not a very nice guru). After the guru died, the cat continued to be tied before evening worship. and when that cat expired, another cat was brought to the ashram so that it could be duly tied up during evening worship. Centuries later, learned treatises were written by the guru's scholarly disciples on the liturgical significance of tying up a cat while worship is performed."

And that is what we do, we are tied by cultural and family rules that don't fit us, don't allow us to be who we are, we are squeezed into what family and culture think we should be. So many people are like sheep, afraid to make waves and stay living in impossible ways and/or situations. We need to be brave and stand up for what we believe in.

I have written a letter to try to get some things changed in the building where I live and the caretaker thinks we are not backing him when, in fact, what we are proposing would make his job easier and his living conditions better. He just sees it as an attack on him and gets defensive. I hope he will be able to see it differently. It has been very hard for me to take a stand about these things because we are requesting that three people be evicted, but their behaviour is making life very uncomfortable and unhealthy for the rest of us. The meeting is a four o'clock today so I hope we get a good turn out.

I have been very busy writing a letter to the property manager, photocopying and talking to my neighbours so haven't had much time to be creative. I am still struggling with nausea and feeling generally yucky. Not really ill, I actually have good energy and am getting things done but just enough to feel yuck. I have arranged for another meeting tomorrow afternoon so I hope we get a good turnout so we can get this situation dealt with.

I had another moment of awareness this morning while lying in bed ( a good time for me to contemplate things). I wrote in an earlier post about having a sense of desperation about my art and this morning I realized that is gone. It will just unfold as it is meant to and I will get done what I get done.

I read James Hillman's book The Soul's Code, In Search Of Character And Calling several years ago and have always remembered his acorn theory. He says; "The acorn theory proposes ...that you and I and every single person is born with a defining image". "I want us to envision that what children go through has to do with finding a place in the world for their specific calling. They are trying to live two lives at once, the one they were born with and the one of the place and among the people they were born into. The entire image of a destiny is packed in a tiny acorn, the seed of a huge oak on small shoulders. And its call rings loud and persistent and is as demanding as any scolding voice from the surroundings. The call shows in the tantrums and obstinacies, in the shyness and retreats, they seem to set the child against our world but that may be protections of the world it comes with and comes from." "The acorn theory affirms the child's inherent uniqueness and destiny.......each child is a gifted child, filled with data of all sorts, gifts peculiar to that child which show themselves in peculiar ways, often maladaptive and causing pain."

He goes on to say that we have this notion that growth is upward - to be an adult is to be grown up but this is only one way of maturity. Even tomato plants and the tallest trees send down roots as they rise toward the light. Hillman believes that we grow down into ourselves and to plant a foot firmly on earth - that is the ultimate achievement and a far later stage of growth than anything begun in your head.

Ever since I read the book, I have remembered the phrase "growing down into yourself". We are all striving, reaching, trying when what we need to do is settle down and go into ourselves. Listen to that voice that is constantly calling us. Be still enough to hear. I was always reaching and searching, looking outside of myself for answers and now I understand what growing down into yourself means. I haven't really changed, I have just healed the pain of the things that have happened to me on my journey. Of course, I am not perfect. Of course, there are a lot of things that are still an issue but I feel more peaceful and accepting than I have ever been - even as a child.

Something has definitely changed and it is good. Here's to continuing to grown down into myself.

Jazmine has gone back to my daughter's and I really miss her!

A couple of mornings ago, I was lying in bed trying to talk myself into getting up. I don't know what started the train of thought but it was about how bad I have felt for the past fifteen years, the fear, anger, bitterness, pain, etc. All of a sudden, I realized I'm not that person any more. And then today, after organizing and facilitating a meeting of 30 people last Friday, I realized that I really am healed. After the things that happened to me, I could not be in a group/meeting setting or facilitate a group/meeting without panicking and just wanting to leave. As I facilitated the meeting I was calm and centered and kept everything on track, had to deal with a resident who didn't agree with what we want to do with regards to him and I did so effectively. This, to me, is absolutely amazing. I had so much great feedback about how I conducted the meeting, I was like my old self only better. I have finally turned a corner!

On Thursday, I made a huge pot of vegetable soup and a large bowl of fruit salad and that is what I have been eating ever since. I haven't done that for so long and it feels really good. I gave some to my neighbour and while I was giving it to her my neighbour on the other side came out of his door and said, "It smells really good out here." so I gave him some too.

Yesterday, a friend from Kelowna was in town and just happened to be walking in this area, she has never been to my place before, and when she saw the street name she came and buzzed me. It was so nice to see her. She didn't have much time but I really enjoyed the little visit we had.

I was a little embarrassed because I haven't been looking after my apartment the way I usually do. It was clean but kind of neglected and messy so that motivated me to put things in order today. I got out my duvet and put the cover on, got out an Indian cushion cover and cushion and put that on my bed, reorganized my ornaments and pictures cleared all the clutter from the top of my fridge, put away some purchases of ribbon that were lying about, put my bathmat back(I had put it away because Jazmine's litter box was in the bathroom). It always feels so good to do things like that.

All in all it has been a good week.

I hope the coming week unfolds in wonderful, rewarding way and I wish the same for all my bloggy friends.

I finally completed my second crazy quilt faerie bag. It has my first attempts at silk ribbon embroidery and some stitches I haven't done before, so I have learned a lot. I have found this to be a very relaxing pasttime. I have started on my next one and have had fun shopping for threads and fringes and ribbon. Getting quite a collection. Love shopping for goodies.

I am happy to be back blogging and have visited everyone every day just haven't always felt like commenting or blogging. Still having issues with toxic sprays but don't want to talk about that. I may have a rant about it another day.

I have a new blog http://secretgardencrazyquilting.blogspot.com/ I hope you will visit me there.