June 24th 2009
Well, the critic finally caught up to me. I kept way in the background for two weeks and then there it was. Looking at other people's blogs, at their creative destruction of their journals and all the beautiful art and decided that my art is childish and uncreative and my journal wrecking is boring and unimaginative and I have just came to a standstill.
In addition to this, my ex-husband's ash scattering is this weekend and I, for some unknown reason, decided I would go. This opened a can of worms that would have been better not being opened and it also opened some of the wounds from my time with him that are always there but way in the distance. The wounds are healed but the scars seem to be there forever it seems.
Along with helping my neighbour and getting involved with the newsletter and the social club in the building I have become a little overwhelmed and uncentered. So, today I need to get myself centered again and finish the art journal page I started the other day. I liked the background and didn't want to cover it up and sat for a couple of hours trying to decide what to do and couldn't decide on anything because the critic was there trashing everything I thought of. So, I am just going to go with something today and that will be it.
My destructive inner critic has controlled my creativity for so long I will not let it win this time.
Your inner critic and my inner critic should get together sometime and they can pound the snot out of each other....:)
ReplyDeleteSorry for the chaos and upheaval - both physically and emotionally - in your life ((hugs))
Truly - you do beautiful work.....I can't imagine what that horrible wretch is saying in your head...
I keep kicking mine to the curb but its got the-cat-came-back syndrome...;)
Lots of love....and inspiration...to you!!
xo
Thanks Mel you made me laugh.
ReplyDeleteHi Leone,
ReplyDeleteAlas our inner critic! You should hear what mine say about my work! I know how hard it is to keep the inner critic down. For me, half of my battle being a writer / creative person, is to keep the voice of the inner critic out of my way. So you're not alone there.
As of the other aspect of your life - be strong and know that it was in the past.
You're a wonderful woman and an inspiration. I mean it! :)
My inner critic doesn't think my creative efforts worth commenting about... They are play and not serious things of any real value but they keep me occupied so it tolerates them. It says they are c*** but as non-serious play it tolerates them...
ReplyDeleteI think your inner critic is way harsh not even letting you play a little!
So often it is the work of caring for others and being a "support person" that takes women away from our own dreams/goals. Sometimes we can avert that, sometimes not. When a human being genuinely needs help, and we're the most appropriate person to provide it, what else can we do? I was recently asked to do a volunteer job by someone I like a lot, and did not want to disappoint, but realized that so often I give my time and energy away like that, in little pieces, to support other people's dreams. I said no. And minutes later, my husband said, "I think I could do that."
ReplyDeleteIt was a surprise to read your doubts about your work, because it truly is good. Stay on track--you're going somewhere wonderful.
Leone, I think that the inner critic comes up so strongly because you have been digging so deep and stretching so wide in the past weeks. It's like a rebound. I know that dynamic very well. So - maybe you can take it as a compliment, or at least a sign that you are wrenching open stuck places and threatening to bring some open sky farther down into your soul. I think you have been astonishingly creative and have done some lovely pieces of work - take courage and keep on!
ReplyDeleteThanks to everyone for your supportive comments. I know "this too shall pass" but it's nice to hear.
ReplyDelete