on the cold bare branch

teasing the chill autumn wind

one last leaf flutters

This is from the day before yesterday, I haven't done yesterday's yet - behind already. I didn't write again today, too much to do. I helped a friend do the final edit on her book this morning. I don't know if I mentioned it before but last year she gave me a stack of handwritten notes and I sorted them all out and typed out her book. It is about her relationship with a crow, where she lived before. It's a very interesting story about crows behaviour. When we finished she wanted to take me to lunch and then I had to go do banking and shopping by the time I got home I was too tired. Life's necessities do get in the way of things we really want to do sometimes, it must be really difficult when you have children to look after. I did nothing much creative when my kids were small and they were out playing most of the time when the weather was nice.

Got a positive response from the property manager and she even signed it "warmly". I really am trying to be more positive and less cynical and re-active because I truly believe the energy we put out comes back to us

.

It's bedtime again, the days just fly by. It I didn't wake up at 4:30 in the morning I wouldn't have to go back to sleep after eating a little breakfast and my days would be longer. Four hours sleep just doesn't cut it.

Good night.

VIOLETTE WITH HER BOOK, LEANNE IN THE BACKGROUND
RUBYDOG BORED WITH IT ALL
THE PINK ONE WON FIRST PRIZE
THE VAMPIRE SHARED SECOND PLACE

I have had such a fun, busy weekend. Yesterday I went to RubyDogs Art House for a book signing and demo by Violette. Her book is called Journal Bliss and is a very creative book about art journalling. It was nice to spend time with other artists and it is always so positive and cheerful at RubyDogs.

Today, after a three hour conversation with my eldest daughter, I went to Granville Island where they had the Garbage Can Art Auction, the proceeds going to Children's Hospital Art Program to buy art supplies - an excellent cause. My granddaughter was under their care for her first eighteen years for leukemia so it is a cause close to my heart. I even bough a garbage can. I didn't get the one I really wanted because it went for something like $300 - but I did get one for my Great Granddaughters first birthday in November. I have never bid for anything in my life so that was a new experience. Another new experience is that I put my name down to be one of the artists next year. Thanks to my bloggy friends, I have the confidence to do that now. Never would have dreamt of it before. So I am excited about that.

I didn't write over the weekend, it was more important to go out in the world and do things - connect, the October word for creative everyday. Something I have struggled with particularly the past few years.

I wrote both of my Haiku's and did one journal page that isn't quite finished yet so will post IT tomorrow.

circle kitty sleeps
with one eye open...waiting
for my soft warm lap

Busy day again today. I wrote a letter to our propertry manager for the tenants with the information from yesterday's meeting. I wrote 1704 words on my story, all made up today, I finished the copying yesterday. I wrote the Haiku when I woke up this morning and just finished my circle kitty. May add more to it tomorrow. It's 11:30 and time to go to bed. I am really enjoying this while it lasts. I don't think I have ever written this much in one go.

Jasmine my daughter's cat is sitting here beside my laptop looking at me, to let me know it is past bedtime. She's sitting right on my mouse. Ha! Ha! She sleeps on my legs for about fifteen minutes when I get into bed and then goes to her little nest at the end of my bed. A soft warm cosy throw made into a nest. She is such a sweet kitty, she's 17 years old and so dainty and cute.

Off to bed, I have spent way too much time on this computer today.

ordered chaos
all jostling talking driving
with destinations

I had a busy day today. Typed 1706 words on my story, just finished now at 11:40 pm. My art journal and haiku for today are above. Had to go to the Dr., my thyroid was hypo but is now hyper so need medication adjustments. I've been on the same medication for years and no problem so don't know what is going on now. I feel better since I cut the meds back, way more energy which is opposite to what it is supposed to be. I guess it will work itself out eventually, perhaps my thyroid gland is working on it's own now. That chakra is about communication and having a voice so maybe it is significant.

Also went to a tenants meeting that I suggested we have because our elevator is going to be out of commission for one to two months and that will have major repercussions for many of the people living here. Many can't get up and down the stairs and many have to go for cancer treatments and other treatments besides wanting to go out for socializing. We had the winter from hell last year while they were doing major work on the plumbing and we had a couple of feet of snow so people couldn't go out to get away from it all. Landlords and property managers are not the most considerate people on the planet.



Good night all. Sweet dreams.

Morning sun rising
urban glass glimmering gold
glorious new day

I wrote my Haiku this morning and put it in my art journal. The picture below is the way it looked one morning a couple of winters ago. It really is quite an amazing sight - a city of gold.

My journal painting is gold, obiously, the sun is gold leaf. I want to make my entries simple so I can loosen up and not be so fussy about what I am doing.

I also type 1700 words but I was copying the first chapter of my book because it was originally typed in my very old computer. It is a good way to get started on this project.

It was a busy day and very enjoyable.

FALL EQUINOX

Gentle autumn light

soft mellow lengthening shadows

earth settling to sleep

The beautiful sunny weather is tempered by a nice cool breeze, soon the leaves will be changing and we will be surrounded by the beautiful earthy colours that I love so much, browns, yellows, oranges and reds. The shadows are lengthening and the air is mellow and soft transforming from the harsh, bright light of summer. Autumn is my favourite time of year.



Today, I went to a book launch. The book is called Mythogyny, the lives and times of women elders in B.C. It is a collection of excerpts from stories told by women abou the lives. I am one of the women in the book, which is pretty exciting. I am published. Actually, it's only about one page in total. We told out stories to someone, they were taped and then transcribed. It was quite a project and I am happy to be a part of it.

I got a letter from my cousin today, she lives on Quadra Island and I haven't talked to her for a year. She is one of the people in my extended family that I can relate to the best, so I phoned her and we had a nice long chat.

Yesterday, I went for a walk and saw two women walking their cats. They were a leopard cat and an ocelot cat. The leopard cat was only two generations from a leopard. The really were very beautiful.

OCELOT CAT

LEOPARD CAT

I also gessoed and painted many pages in my art journal in preparation for the latest 100 day challenge that I found out about on Bev's blog. Starting tomorrow there is 100 days left in the year so I am going to attempt 100 haiku's and thought I would write them in my art journal. My goal is to write 100 but even if I don't accomplish that I will have done a lot more than I would have without the challenge.

Hybrid J is doing the NaNo challenge, 50,000 words written in one month so I am going to attempt that as well (unoficially). I started writing a book about fifteen years ago. I wrote one chapter and that was it so I will continue with that. Again, if I don't do 50,000 words I will have written more that I would without the challenge.

My crazy quilt is coming along slowly but surely. Tomorrow, I am staying home so I will get more done.

MAYBE SOME WOMEN AREN'T MEANT TO BE TAMED.

MAYBE THEY NEED TO RUN FREE UNTIL THEY FIND SOMEONE JUST AS WILD TO RUN WITH.

I love this quote from Sex and the City. Every young woman should have this posted on their wall so they don't sell themselves short and get hooked up with a man who doesn't have the same energy and wildness that they do. I love the idea of women's wildness, I love the title of Estes's book Women Who Run With The Wolves. I feel that wildness and wish there was somewhere for it to go. I feel surrounded by people who are so uptight and oppressed. I feel full of passion but don't know what to do with it. Don't you just want to scream sometimes - WAKE UP EVERYBODY. I have just finished reading a book called Footprints in the Sand by Sarah Challis. Two cousins set off on a journey to scatter their Great Aunts ashes in the desert in Africa. While they are travelling they notice that the European people are so uptight and as they get closer to Africa and have African people in the plane with them they find them full of life and wearing clothes of beautiful colours. India is like that too. Beautiful, colourful art and clothing. I love going to Little India (I was there on Thursday) because of all the beautiful fabrics and saris and the mens clothing is so beautiful too. I think crazy qujilting will be a good outlet for this passion for colour and texture. I love collage as well for that reason.

I don't know where I'm going with this, I just feel all of this energy that needs expression. Where will it go I wonder?

THOSE IMAGES

Seek those images

that constitute the wild,

the lion and the virgin,

the harlot and the child.

Find in middle air

an eagle on the wing.

Recognize the fire

That make the Muses sing.

William Butler Yeats

A whole week since I last posted, I have been busy but nothing every exciting to write about. All my books and my silk ribbon and floss have arrived. I spent several hours today ironing and carding the ribbon. It's sold at a very good price but you have to do the finishing yourself which is fine.

I have been gathering material for the next newsletter.

Saturday I went to the re-opening of RubyDogs Art House, Leanne closed last fall and has moved to a new location. She sells all things collage at really good prices and she is such an upbeat fun person it is a treat to go to her store. I hope she does well. She really does have a dog (a golden lab) named Ruby who greets you when you go in the store and nudges you to scratch her back. She is such a sweety.

My neighbour/friend fell outside the hospital yesterday when she was going to visit someone and landed on her face and had to have 14 stitches on her right eyebrow. She has a shiner and her eye is almost shut. She asked me to take a picture for her in case she has any problems. She had to wait four hours in emergency to get the stitches - our medical system is pretty scarey.

We continue to have beautiful, warm sunny weather, it's such a treat.

That's about the extent of my exciting life.

This is the picture I finished painting yesterday. I started it quite a while ago, so I am happy to have finally finished it. I got a bit stuck on the hair and the wave so had to stop to consider how to move forward. I used to get upset when I quit about two-thirds through a picture because I started to become critical but I realize now that it is often because I don't know what to do next or how to do the next step. I sketched this picture a few years ago and attempted painting it before but just made a mess of it so I am pleased it went well this time. I used modelling paste to get the texture and learned that you need to give modelling paste a good coat of gesso otherwise it 's slippery to paint on and is glossy.

I received my first order of books today from Chapters, they are way quicker than Amazon. Four more orders to go (yes, I did go a bit crazy). This is going to be a fun week, love getting parcels in the mail.

MY LIFE IS IN MY OWN HANDS

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT FINDING YOURSELF
LIFE IS ABOUT CREATING YOURSELF

MY LIFE IS A WORK OF ART

WE HUNGER FOR CREATIVE LIVING

This is the latest page in my art journal with the above affirmations. It's not a very good scan so I will try taking a picture tomorrow. I finished this and a painting today so I'm feeling very pleased with myself. I will post the painting tomorrow when I have taken a picture of it, it is too large to scan.

Autumn has really arrived. It has been rainy and cool, you can feel the change in the air. It's supposed to get sunny and warm again after tomorrow but the air will probably still have that autumn coolness.

It's 11PM, time for bed.

THIS IS MY FAVOURITE PICTURE OF ME AS A CHILD. I'M PROBABLY ABOUT SEVEN YEARS OLD AND I AM WEARING ONE OF MY FAVOURITE DRESSES MADE BY MY MOM.

Got a call from my friend from Kelowna at 11:15 this morning, and she was in town. We met at Granville Island and spent the afternoon together sharing some very personal stuff like we never have before. We have know each other for over twenty years and she is such a special person. She has kept in touch with me over the years even though I haven't been very good at calling or writing her. When I go to Kelowna she has me stay with her and when I have been there time when she has been out of town, has allowed me to use her car. She really is a true friend.

I read Week 9: Recovering A Sense Of Compassion in The Artist's Way this morning and had some insights that I think are going to be very healing. Her description of the difference between discipline and enthusiasm. Discipline is about being driven and working from will-power and turns art into being about discipline rather than the creativity. Enthusiasm is an ongoing energy JC says, and is about play not work.

I love JC's description of our artist within being our inner playmate, and getting up in the morning to create and to do it with a child's love of adventure and a playdate with our artist child. "I'll meet you at 6AM and we'll goof around with that painting" or whatever it is you do. Treat your work as play. I really wish I could learn this. I am getting better at it but I want toconnect with that "feeling" of playfulness.

The most important thing I felt this morning was a connection with the feeling in my body of who I was in my family of origin. I realized my mom, dad and brother didn't want me to be successful, all for very different reasons. There was an unwritten rule that I wasn't to be more successful than my dad or my brother or better than them at anything. I must keep my place as a "woman" subordinate to the men in my family.

Being successful, letting my light shine means leaving my family and being different, not belonging, because I have broken the rules. If I am to be an artist, I have to rebel/leave my family. I have to be DIFFERENT from them, I've always known I am anyway. I don't mean leave them physically, they have all passed away now, I mean leaving them emotionally. I have been afraid to be successful. I have stayed the frightened little girl emotionally, afraid of hurting my mom, wanting to be accepted by my "clan". They left me a long time ago and they didn't honour me/see me or support me. They oppressed me and very nearly destroyed the best parts of me.

None of this is meant to bash my family. I loved them and still do but I need to see and tell the truth about what happened to me and how it affected me. I have know these things mentally for a long time but this time I "feel" it. I understand emotionally how much it hurt me. Iwrote something before, I think it was on the Artist's Way message board about whether or not that empty feelling inside - of not being seen, not being supported and nurtured to be the real person you are - ever goes away. That feeling that something is missing and of not being complete because your parents didn't see you as special or talented and didn't champion you. I think I may have connected with that. I hope so.

I have not really connected with my inner child before, she seemed to be very deeply hidden but seeing her as my playmate makes me smile, maybe that will shift too.

Such an interesting book, The Artist's Way.

This is a journal page I did yesterday. It didn't scan very well. The background is done in watercolours so it's very soft. The words are from The Atist's Way and struck me as a something I need to remember. Just one small action each day will get me where I want to go. I have been painting the past three days but this is the only one I have finished. I have been lost in painting the whole afternoon and sometimes the evening. I love that feeling when nothing else matters except what you are doing. Focus and being in the now. This past week, The Artist's Way has been about Recovering A Sense Of Strength and that has been very important to me because I have felt so powerless for so much of my life and especially the past fifteen years. I really believe that I am recovering a sense of my own strength and creating a new life for myself at last.

I am enjoying working with watercolours and am finding them a little easier to work with than I remember. I love the way they are so delicate and the way they flow together.

I forgot to mention that the tree in my last post was beside the building I live in and a man who owns a lot of property around here, including the apartment building behind us, decided it needed to be cut down because it blocked some people's view. Everyone was extremely upset and the story goes that he was fined by the city for cutting it down but who know if that is true. I am so happy that I got some picture of it just before it was cut down. Very sad, when there are so few trees around here.

AUTUMN, MY FAVOURITE TIME OF YEAR

"LIFE ISN'T ABOUT FINDING YOURSELF

LIFE IS ABOUT CREATING YOURSELF"

George Bernard Shaw

I am really feeling like this quote is true for me at the moment. I have been in a strange sort of mood for the past week and haven't felt like blogging although I have visited everyone every day. I feel in a very quiet reflective mood. I am still wanting to crazy quilt and have ordered several books and some silk ribbon and silk floss. I have also bought some paint to try out for the right colour to paint my apartment. I still want to create the Victorian atmosphere in my apartment and am reflecting on that and may do a story board for it. I just wish I had more energy, I find it takes me longer to get going in the morning than it did when I was fifty. I seem to move in slow motion and then get tired more quickly than I used to as well.

I spent two days writing the newsletter for the building and then had to go out to Coquitlam to pick it up from my daughter. I also sold some of my photos and photo cards so I have been printng those and getting some printed that I couldn't do at home. I love doing them at home, I have an HP Photosmart, a cute little machine that makes amazing prints. It's one of my favourite toys (along with my camera).

The weather continues to be amazing. Only a few drops of rain since May. So unusual for Vancouver.

I have quite a few ideas floating around in my head so am just waiting for the moment when I am ready to start working on them.

I have been working on The Artist's Way and The Joy Diet. I have also just finished reading a book called A Summer Of Secrets by Martina Reilly. It is a novel but the woman in it is in a plane crash and goes through treatment for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It is a very good book, a few laughs and good story with some very good info on PTSD.

I have also started a new eating plan put together by my daughter who is a personal trainer and is certified in nutrition so here's hoping!!!

Time to get to bed with the hopes of getting up early tomorrow and not waking up at 5 am and then wanting to back to sleep after I've read a little.