My Mom died 16 years ago today. I wrote this poem about five years later. It happened on a day when I attended the Symphony Of Fire, a fireworks competition put on every year. Every year there is also a meteor shower the Perseids that occurs from the end of July through to the end of August. They are peaking tonight with about 60 'shooting stars' per hour. As I watched the fireworks that night I saw many shooting stars (there were over 100 an hour that year) and thought of the saying "every time you see a shooting star another angel goes to heaven." Little did I know that my Mom was one of them. I phoned her when we got home from the fireworks, she didn't answer so I drove out to her home at 2 in the morning.

Two days after I found my Mom dead in her apartment she came to me in a dream as a small bright light that I knew was a faerie, and I also knew it was my Mom letting me know that she was fine. Before I had gone to bed that night I had looked for a pair of her earrings that I had been carrying around with me. I hunted everywhere and couldn't find them. The next morning I found one on the bathroom floor and the other one under my pillow. It made me chuckle because I was sure this was my Mom playing a little trick on me, to make me laugh.

I was on vacation at this time and had visited my Mom, then my cousin, then my daughter and was going to see my Mom again before returning home. I jokingly called this, my first driving trip alone, my Vision Quest. Never joke about a Vision Quest.

My Mom was a strong woman with a great sense of humor. She was a skilled seamstress and wonderful homemaker and mother. She is always in my heart.

HEALING

A Vision Quest begun with such courage and hope
Turned into a free fall down a dark, lonely slope
My path changed forever since losing my way
Making sense of my life since that sad, grief-filled day

The moon shone like a ghost in the highway of mist
Drifting and swirling in an eerie twist
The headlights reflecting the darkness and light
The fear and the joy of that dream-walking night

She left us that night on a jouney so far
She rode to heaven on a shooting star
She lit up the sky in a symphony of fire
Meteors and rockets flying higher and higher

Free from the burdens, unfurling her wings
I know as she rises her angel voice sings
Free from a life never lived as her own
Choiceless and faceless, only men's need were known

She came back to visit me twice in the night
A sweet faerie dancing, a bright, twinkling light
So I know that she's happy in the heavens above
Surrounded and cradled in soft, gentle love

She said she'd return as a seagull next time
Floating and drifting in a life so sublime
So I watch and I wonder, which one could she be?
Dipping and gliding in the vast sky and sea

A part of me left on that moon-ghost night
Hanging on to the tail of the star in flight
Reaching for the cahnce of a last farewell
So much to say, not time to tell

To tell her how much I loved her and knew
That she loved me though her words were few
To tell that without her how sad it would have been
To ask, "who is the woman that no one has seen?"

Now it's time to let go and freefall some more
Begin my new life behind the dark, oaken door
Honour her by living my life full and free
Freedom and strength that my daughters can see

Change the pattern of women, our ancestors past
Who lived for their men, their life paths were cast
Women who had no voice and no face
Women who had no choice and no place

Now I know a Vision Quest is a journey authentic and real
When she left me that night I learned how to feel
The denial and truth of the life I had led
The many faces of love what was done, what was said

Real love is gold and silver threads that weave through your heart
They connect us and cradle us even though we're apart
Love sees past the face to the depths of the soul
Self-love and acceptance the ultimate goal