I have been very busy writing a letter to the property manager, photocopying and talking to my neighbours so haven't had much time to be creative. I am still struggling with nausea and feeling generally yucky. Not really ill, I actually have good energy and am getting things done but just enough to feel yuck. I have arranged for another meeting tomorrow afternoon so I hope we get a good turnout so we can get this situation dealt with.

I had another moment of awareness this morning while lying in bed ( a good time for me to contemplate things). I wrote in an earlier post about having a sense of desperation about my art and this morning I realized that is gone. It will just unfold as it is meant to and I will get done what I get done.

I read James Hillman's book The Soul's Code, In Search Of Character And Calling several years ago and have always remembered his acorn theory. He says; "The acorn theory proposes ...that you and I and every single person is born with a defining image". "I want us to envision that what children go through has to do with finding a place in the world for their specific calling. They are trying to live two lives at once, the one they were born with and the one of the place and among the people they were born into. The entire image of a destiny is packed in a tiny acorn, the seed of a huge oak on small shoulders. And its call rings loud and persistent and is as demanding as any scolding voice from the surroundings. The call shows in the tantrums and obstinacies, in the shyness and retreats, they seem to set the child against our world but that may be protections of the world it comes with and comes from." "The acorn theory affirms the child's inherent uniqueness and destiny.......each child is a gifted child, filled with data of all sorts, gifts peculiar to that child which show themselves in peculiar ways, often maladaptive and causing pain."

He goes on to say that we have this notion that growth is upward - to be an adult is to be grown up but this is only one way of maturity. Even tomato plants and the tallest trees send down roots as they rise toward the light. Hillman believes that we grow down into ourselves and to plant a foot firmly on earth - that is the ultimate achievement and a far later stage of growth than anything begun in your head.

Ever since I read the book, I have remembered the phrase "growing down into yourself". We are all striving, reaching, trying when what we need to do is settle down and go into ourselves. Listen to that voice that is constantly calling us. Be still enough to hear. I was always reaching and searching, looking outside of myself for answers and now I understand what growing down into yourself means. I haven't really changed, I have just healed the pain of the things that have happened to me on my journey. Of course, I am not perfect. Of course, there are a lot of things that are still an issue but I feel more peaceful and accepting than I have ever been - even as a child.

Something has definitely changed and it is good. Here's to continuing to grown down into myself.