When I was journaling this morning I was thinking about the feeling of the loss of wildness. I live in the middle of a city and am surrounded by concrete and glass and look out on a marina with many boats (most of them never leave their moorings). I feel that my soul is starving for some nature - not plantings contrived by humans but real nature. Wild grasses and weeds and ferns and moss and all those lovely things we find in the woods.
This led me to thinking about my own wildness and how I am feeling separated from it and how I might reconnect with it. I remembered I had a copy of Women Who Run With The Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estes. I haven't looked at it for years but it was still on my bookshelf. I picked up the book and opened it and, as so often happens, it opened to the perfect page - The Feral Woman.
"The feral woman is one who was once in a natural psychic state - that is, in her rightful wild mind - then later was captured by whatever turn of events, thereby becoming overly domesticated and deadened in proper instincts. When she has opportunity to return to her original wildish nature, she too easily steps into all manner of traps and poisons. because her cycles and protective systems have been tampered with she is at risk in what used to be her natural wild state. No longer wary and alert, she easily becomes prey."
"There is a specific pattern to the loss of instinct. it is essential to study this pattern, to actually memorize it, so that we can guard the treasures of our basic natures and those of our daughters as well. In the psychic woods there are many leg traps made of rusted iron that lie just below the leafy green of the forest floor. Psychologically, the same is true of the greater world. There are various lures to which we are susceptible: relationships, people, and ventures that are tempting, but inside that good-looking bait is something sharpened to a point, something that kills our spirit as soon as we bite into it."
Feral women of all ages, and especially the young, have a tremendous drive to compensate for long famines and exile. They are endangered by excessive and mindless striving toward people and goals that are not nurturant, substantive, or enduring. No matter where they live or in what time, there are cages waiting always; too-small lives into which women can be lured or pushed."
"If you have ever been captured, if you have ever endured a starvation of the soul, if you have ever been trapped and especially if you have a drive to create, it is likely that you have been or are a feral woman. The feral woman is usually extremely hungry for something soulful, and often will take any poison disguised on a pointed stick, believing it to be the thing for which her soul hungers."
At this point in my life, I find that the most difficult traps and snares are the limitations I put on myself. Limitations that come from fear and lack of confidence in my own abilities and instincts. SELF-TRUST AND SELF CONFIDENCE MUST BE RELEARNED. Once you have lost it it can take a long time to find it again. I am making progress and the tattoo on my left arm reminds me that I truly am a FREE SPIRIT.
EMBRACE YOUR WILDNESS AND BE A FREE SPIRIT!
